he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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