They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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