i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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