i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
