so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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