Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
