he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
