please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
