he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
