i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
