Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
