Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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