I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
