Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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