I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
