I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
