All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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