So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
