I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
