For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
