The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
