great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
