I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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