you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
