some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Green mimosas i think yes
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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