I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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