i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
