Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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