Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
