Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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