Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How does it feel to date your dad?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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