i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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