I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
