Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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