bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
