I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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