I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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