remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
