careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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