porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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