i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
