i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
