I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
