i just had sex bonerless
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
