remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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