She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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