her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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