So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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