Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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