Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
