Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize