Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
