Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
